What is "Death Bed" and 5 Steps to ReKindle the Sexual Spark in Your Relationship
Any Couple Can Experience a Dead Bedroom or "Death Bed" in a Relationship
So...what on earth is “Death Bed”?!
Death bed is a phrase used when your sex life has shrivelled in to a wrinkly raisin and is consuming your inner core with angst and frustration.
It’s safe to say that most of us have been there at one point in our lives, and it really can put a strain on your relationship and self esteem.
It’s safe to say that most of us have been there at one point in our lives, and it really can put a strain on your relationship and self esteem.
You end up in this pit of despair thinking if it’s you, if you’re bad in bed, your partner isn’t that interested and you may even begin to question whether you’re seen as sexy anymore. Am I ringing any bells?
At the beginning of most relationships we’re all at it like cats in heat, with adrenaline pumping and picking sex over sleep most nights. This is completely normal and it’s also completely normal that this tends to die down after a while.
Think of it like this - You’re at Cadburys world for the first time and all the chocolate you can eat is inside, so you decide to eat your weight in chocolate and you’re on top of the freaking world. I will put money on the fact that you don’t then want to go in there every day for the next 6 months and eat the same amount you did the first time. If you do, please get help.
Sex isn’t all that different - There’s only so many times that you can do the missionary until you inevitably end up feeling “meh” about it, just like there’s only so much chocolate that you can eat.
I want to put my 2p’s worth in and give you some tips on how to try and reignite your love life. I can’t work miracles in getting you back to the “honeymoon period” but dreams can come true.
TALK TO EACH OTHER
Working out why your sex life has gone down the toilet isn’t going to improve unless you both sit down and talk about it in a calm and respectful way. Most often, when sex isn’t as often as you’d like it to be, it’s usually down to individual problems. Feeling tired, hormonal imbalances, stress, worry of self image or not reaching orgasm station are just a handful of reasons.
Working out the core reasons with each-other helps you build a foundation and working out how to fix it. It also helps you calm down your own inner securities by knowing the reasons.
Working out the core reasons with each-other helps you build a foundation and working out how to fix it. It also helps you calm down your own inner securities by knowing the reasons.
Having a consistent, sexually active relationship requires work from both sides, so try to keep the arguing to a minimum - It’s not a blame game, it’s a puzzle game that can be worked out!
DON’T BE AFRAID TO BE TRUTHFUL
This ties in with, you guessed it, communication!
If you are faking orgasms, please stop right now before you dig a hole so big that you can’t get back out. We know that you’re not trying to hurt their feelings but in the long run you’re hurting yourself and them and it’s a sure fire way to kill your sex life.
Being truthful should be a ritual in every part of your life, not just your sex life. We know that it’s easier said than done however, but on a sexual level it’s arguably the most important rule of all.
If you don’t like something your partner is doing, they didn’t quite reach you to orgasm or you need something added to help you climax, be brave and tell them! It’s not going to bruise their ego (or it shouldn’t) by being up front and honest - A great partner wants to watch you enjoy yourself and odds are they can tell if you’re faking it.
MIX IT UP
If you’ve talked to one another and both feel the bedroom play has gone a little stale, inject some fun back in! It’s a game of trial and error - You may try some things and laugh about it in sheer hilarity because it’s not your cup of tea, but at least you’re trying! It brings you both closer together and you’ll inevitably figure out what ticks your boxes.
Whether you introduce outfits, lingerie, sex toys, bondage or role-playing, they’re your rules and it’s your playground!
BE SPONTANEOUS
We know - This can go one of two ways just like surprise birthday parties but if you’ve got your confident pants on, this roll of the dice can be a huge love booster. Once you’ve figured out what your partner goes weak at the knees for, own it! Whether it be dressing up, last minute dinner reservations, showing off your brand new sex toys in the bedroom or a more subtle approach on the couch whilst watching come dine with me.
Spontaneity can really get your blood pumping and it doesn’t have to be “all out”, because we all know that if you plan something too much it sometimes can’t live up to the expectations.
The right partner will appreciate your efforts and recognise that you’re trying and may spark their imagination too.
COMPLIMENT YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER
We can all get lazy from time to and time and forget to praise our partners for being the awesome humans that they are, but not forgetting that you too are awesome.
The simple things can mean a lot to people, whether it be complimenting their outfit, praising their hard work, telling them how delicious the meal was or telling them they look beautiful when naked.
Self esteem doesn’t discriminate men, women or non-binary. When you feel good and they feel good, you’re on to a winner!
That’s all for today, now go and get practicing love birds!